A 2AM Adventure into The Thoughts and Mind of Halt O'Carrick
by JRavenTheFangirl
Summary: Things have been weird the past two weeks, in the mind of Halt O'Carrick... but he's not one to run from his problems. So he spends a night, in bed, trying to sort everything out. Maybe he can pinpoint exactly what's happened. ((Warnings: Halt/Will slash. T for cursing))


It doesn't really matter how it started. All that mattered was that it started. All that mattered was that Halt woke up one day, made coffee, saw Will, and thought… "something's happening".

And at some point Halt couldn't ignore the way his heart started beating faster in his chest when Will moved closer to him, or the way he had to _tear_ his eyes away from the boy when he smiled, or else Will might notice he was staring. It got to where his apprentice was invading all his thoughts, and eventually his dreams. He didn't know it was possible for him to blush until he had to repress it when Will laid his hand on his arm, or casually touched him in a way that should've gone completely unnoticed.

He didn't know when it started, but he knew that wasn't the issue. The issue was sorting out exactly what in Gorlog's name was going on. So he dedicated one night to it: to figure it _allll_ out, so that it wouldn't bother him anymore.

Halt must've laid awake long into the morning, thinking. Maybe at some point he would've gotten too tired to have any good thoughts, given up and went to sleep, had he not known that Will would be there. In his dreams. He didn't want the sun to come up, because Will would be there, too. He didn't want to see him at all.

But where could he run? It was inescapable. He had to train the boy, and, besides, Halt wasn't a runner. He didn't run from his problems- he looked them dead in the eyes and faced them head-on. But this was one problem he wasn't prepared to look at.

What would come out of facing it head-on? Something much scarier than the mystery of the problem itself, probably…

But fuck fear. What fear? Halt had faced certain death before. He'd seen pain, and death, and faced his own demons, and still managed to uphold the gruff, indestructible, hard-to-please personality for decades, so he could definitely just _think_ about something.

So he laid, in bed, late into the morning, just thinking. It sounds lame on the outside, but inside, it was more of an adventure than anything he'd faced physically. His biggest adventure yet… _into his mind_. Ha.

He saw Will's face on the screen that was the wall… suddenly it felt like he was at a museum.

Will was a work of art. Perfect, with all his imperfections. He couldn't describe it any other way- he wasn't that good with words. But that didn't matter, because he could feel it where it mattered. Even if he couldn't speak about that overflowing ocean of affection and admiration… he wasn't here to figure out why he felt it. He was here to find out what it was, exactly.

His apprentice. His friend. His… son? Yeah, kind of, but suddenly he didn't like the sound of that word. He didn't want to be family to him anymore. He didn't want to be his _friend._ He didn't want to be his mentor- in the sense of a relationship. Hell, he didn't even want to see him, so what _did_ he want?! Was it even possible to figure out?

Great. This little _adventure_ into his mind was just pulling up more questions than it was answering. Halt felt like there was a very simple solution to this, he just didn't have the capacity of mind to think of it yet.

But he wasn't one to give up. It'd been hours, but he wasn't about to put a pin in this. He was going to find the answer to all these questions _tonight._

So. Yes. Will.

His occasionally irritating, light-hearted, talented, perfect apprentice…

 _Always_ asking questions. _Always_ trying so hard to please Halt. What if he knew that Halt was pleased by just being around him?

Halt knew it wasn't just in the emotional sense that Will wanted to make Halt proud… it was mostly in their training. Halt knew he gave out compliments sparingly, but he had to. That was his teaching style. It made Will work harder; if Halt complimented him every time he did something right, Will would think he was perfect. And he wasn't- not at training, anyway. Nobody was a perfect Ranger, not even Halt, but Will had more potential than Halt ever did. The mentor knew that very well.

It was almost a depressing thing to think about- Halt knew that someday his apprentice was going to be a million times better than himself… but it wasn't so depressing when Halt accepted that Will was a million times better than himself, in every way.

He was everything Halt was not. Maybe that was why he was so perfect, Halt thought. And it was his job to help along that budding flower; water it; give it sun…

So was this admiration, then? Oh, yes, that must be it. He felt a responsibility to help him reach his full potential.

Ha. And it was supposed to be _Will_ feeling the admiration for _Halt_. Will wasn't a great Ranger, yet. But Halt knew he would be. So it wasn't so much admiration, for that made Halt feel like the weaker person. It was rather… caring affection.

Why was that such a relief, Halt wondered? What else could it have been? He rolled his eyes, and turned onto his side on the bed. He closed them. Now he could finally get some sleep…

"Good morning," said Will waking up only a minute after Halt. Halt was still half-asleep. His eyes didn't even have light in them, yet- they were just bland, black circles sitting in between his eyelids.

He grumbled a forced "g'morning" back and went back to making coffee.

Will joined him by his side. He leaned over to see the coffee, which was ridiculous because he knew how to make coffee. It just gave Halt's heart an excuse to start jerking around in his chest. No. What the fuck? Get back in place. What are you doing? I thought we talked about this.

"You look tired," Will commented.

"Well, I just woke up."

"No, more than usual," said Will. "Did you not get much sleep?"

That much was true. "Less than usual, if you're so interested," Halt said.

Will sort of smiled, even at something not meant to make him happy. Why was he smiling? It just gave Halt's head an excuse to start thrashing around.

Caring affection, he told himself. He'd decided that these feelings were nothing more than a teacher's responsibility to teach their student, hadn't he? Teachers didn't want to watch their student's smile all day and night. Teachers didn't telepathically _beg_ their students to get closer. Teachers didn't feel the urge to _pull_ their students in closer and tell them, not how much potential they had, or how much they admired them, but how they never wanted let them go.

Halt resisted that urge. It was weird. It was wrong. Will would be freaked if he could read Halt's mind right now.

"Halt," Will asked, tipping his head so cutely to the side, "you okay?" No.

Wasn't having affection for someone supposed to be _fun_? Weren't butterflies supposed to give you a happy-go-lucky, optimistic feeling instead of burning your insides? A crush was supposed to brighten your day, not make you feel like-

Wait… Something happened in the middle of that thought.

Caring affection was definitely a part of it. Will had great potential, and Halt wanted to see that through until the end. He cared for him, as his teacher… but he _already_ cared for him as a teacher. That didn't even begin to explain these past few weeks of sneaking glances at Will when he wasn't looking, cherishing meaningless touches, dreaming mindless dreams…

No… It didn't explain why he had to try so hard not to pull Will into an embrace and never let him go, and whisper in his ear…

'I love you.'

"Of course," Halt answered. He turned away. "Just lagging."

Will nodded. Made sense to him. He left Halt's side at the table… If only he had any idea what was going on inside his mentor's head… He'd really freak, now.


End file.
